I kept looking over my shoulder for John Quiñones. I was absolutely certain I was in the middle of one of ABC’s Primetime: What Would You Do? episodes. Unfortunately, I was not, and John Quiñones was not going to come out from around the corner to tell me it was all a set-up.
I decided to stop and get a sandwich on the way home from work. It was after the busy lunch hour and before dinner so there were not a lot of customers in the restaurant. I was sitting alone in a booth, facing the door –rather, NOT facing the other patrons (when there is no one on the other side of the booth to “block” you, no matter what you do, you look like you are staring at the other diners). I was about half-way through my mixed greens with a squeeze of lemon juice (yea, right…) when a couple came through the door. A big, handsome, yet burly man (in fact, the guy looked just like Burl Ives-or at least like the snowman he played in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer….but I digress…..) and the woman accompanying him sat a few booths away, between me and the door. She took the seat with her back to me and he and I were facing each other. I tried moving over in my booth, so that her head directly blocked his face from my gaze. It’s not like I was trying to “gaze”; he was the only thing in front of me. It was either look at him or look at my “mixed greens”. Truth be told, the guy had a pretty big head. He could eyeball me (and I him) no matter how far I moved.
Aaaaaaaaaanyhow………………….. I never heard the woman speak. He, however, seemed the jovial sort, joking with the waitresses, and patting some little kids on the head as they were leaving. I got the impression he was a regular here. The couple placed their order, after which the gentleman (and I use the term lightly) turned to the waitress.
“Could you please tell my wife she looks STUPID?”
Apparently, as he explained to the waitress, he had just picked her up from the beauty salon, where in an attempt to “cover the gray”, she opted to go blonde (something she’d always wanted to do). The waitress gave “Burl” a friendly swat with her order pad, smiled and left. With that, the verbal barrage began.
“You never listen to me. I will not be seen in public with you after this. You look like a hooker.”
OK. He’s GOT to be teasing her………she doesn’t look anything like a hooker………but then again, how would I know…….I’ve never really seen one in person……that I know of…………and I don’t see her shoulders moving like they should if she was laughing……………..his tone doesn’t sound so funny either……..
“Look at your face! Did you even LOOK in the mirror? Have you seen what you look like?” Why don’t you shave off your eyebrows and put paint all over your face? You might as well…..you couldn’t look any worse anyway……”
OK, Mr. Quiñones…….fun’s over……………. Come out, come out wherever you are………………………….
The barrage continued relentlessly. If I had a nickel for every time Burl told this poor woman she looked stupid (or worse), I could finally send away for that KYMARO New Body Shaper I’ve been wanting to try http://tinyurl.com/6rr6kl . Burl called 2 other waitresses over so that they could tell the woman she looked “Butt Ugly”. Luckily, they did not comply…just shook their heads and refilled her ice tea. Thank God I had already finished my “mixed greens with a squeeze of lemon”, because my appetite was gone. And my ire was front and center. I paid my bill, gathered my things, and headed towards the couple.
“Excuse me…. I just wanted to tell you that I think your hair is beautiful,” I told the watery-eyed woman as I passed.
“She looks UGLY as HELL!” piped in Burly Boy. Wow. He didn’t even hesitate in front of company.
That’s it. “Have you ever seen the show What Would You Do?, sir?
“Yeah?”
“Well, I’ve been sitting over there waiting for John Quiñones to come busting through the door telling me that you are just an actor, because I can’t believe anybody would really treat another person this way.” I even surprised myself.
The watery-eyed, newly-blonde woman reached for my hand.
“I don’t know who you are, but I love you,” she said with a faint smile.
Burly Boy and Blondie and I ended up talking for another 10 minutes or so. (I’m just relieved he didn’t punch me.) Actually, I played Dr. Phyllis for 10 minutes. All those years of therapy finally put to good use! I think B.B. was a tiny bit ashamed of himself in the end. He told his wife to give me his business card, asked me to sit with them so he could buy me an ice cream. Then he gave me 2 free movie passes. Really?! I passed on the ice cream, and suggested he use the tickets to take his wife out since she looked so pretty (though I did have another idea about what he could do with them).
When I left them, she was smiling.
Maybe he won’t change. Maybe she’ll pay for my interference later-in private- though I pray that’s not the case. My wish is for him to look past her hair just once….and see her heart.
Well….now I know the answer to What Would You Do?. For all the time’s I could have used a stranger’s interference….I’d do it again.
But next time….I’ll take the ice cream.
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