A New Set of Winkers March 31, 2008

I think I know what my problem is (well….one of them anyway)….I am way too distractable.  Perhaps a new set of blinkers is in order……you know…..winkers?……blinders?  Like the horses wear.   Winkers are a piece of horses tack that restricts the horses vision to the rear and in some cases, to the side.  Some horse trainers believe that this keeps the horse focused on what is directly in front of him, encouraging him to pay attention to the race rather than other distractions.

Well I can tell you that I have definitely become distracted from my “race”.   I’ve spent the last two weeks looking backwards, or being drawn off course by turning to focus on what was going on to my left and right…never looking ahead, and certainly not moving forward. 

So it’s time to slap those suckers on and focus.  There is nothing “back there” that can help me now. 

It might be helpful, though, if someone could dangle a carrot….better yet, how about some carrot cake?…….

A Brief Moment of Silence March 28, 2008

      “All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”   

       Anatole France (1844-1924)

…..and out of respect and gratitude for what we leave behind….a moment of silence…..

Happy Birthday, Harley! March 27, 2008

On this day 45 years ago, Harlan came into this world.  Fifteen years after that he came into mine.  Harley was my first love.  Some would call it “puppy love”,  but I wouldn’t.     We were a couple for 7 years, 6 months, 3 weeks, 4 days and 17 hours (but who’s counting?)  We were engaged to be married and I (believe it or not) was the one who called it off….24 years ago.  It has probably been 22 years or more since I have seen or spoken to the very person I thought I could never live without.  I hear through the grapevine that he never got fat or bald (it figures….), has a beautiful wife (ouch!) and 2 gorgeous daughters (God bless them) and is doing very well.

I occasionally wonder what my life would have been like if it had followed what I once believed to be its only possible path.  I am quite certain that I made the right decision way back when, but it often saddens me that someone who was once my whole world one day isn’t even on the radar screen.  They say that people come into our lives for a “reason, a season, or a lifetime”.   I guess that was my Summer of Lovin’.

Clearly we were not meant to last, and though I joke about it a lot, with more than two decades, a marriage and divorce, and a beautiful son of my own since Harley, I am over him.  But he was a significant patch of fabric in the quilt of my life.  We go through life making our mark on people all the time,  touching hearts and moving on…..perhaps not realizing the impact each relationship can have.  I think about the people (angels?) who have (briefly or over a long period of time) loved me, hurt me, taught me and contributed to my growth….and every now and then for a fleeting moment, I remember to be grateful.

So, Happy Birthday, Harley.  Wherever you are, I thank you….. and wish you love.

Last Chapter First March 26, 2008

I’m the kind of person who will peek at the last chapter when first starting a book to see where the storyline is headed (or actually where it ends).  I need to know how it all works out.  I feel that way about my life.  The suspense is killing me.  I realize that this goes against the “it’s not the destination, but the journey that matters” philosophy, but I can’t help it.  There are so many things happening and changing for myself and for so many of my friends that I can’t help but be anxious to see where it all leads.

I never have been the patient sort (yes, Dad, I know that is an understatement).  And it’s getting harder and harder to trust that all is as it should be at any given time.  I believe in “everything for a reason” when it comes to other people, but I rarely apply that rule to myself.

I guess since most of us are approaching middle-age (ha!) it should not be surprising that we are (many of us) making monumental changes in our lives.  We’ve been there, done that, and now it’s time to get back to what we’ve always known we should be doing in the first place.  It is both a scary and at times thrilling predicament.  I do believe (for those around me anyway) that our lives are what we make of them.  It’s not that I wonder what kind of luck so-and-so will have, or what fate holds, but more, “Will Michelle find the courage to keep moving toward her dream, or will she take the safer route to security?”

“Will Leslie (not her real name) call on her inner strength and finally resolve childhood issues that have held her back?”

and “Will Bob (not her real name) put down her dukes and let love in?”

I know what I believe is possible for all of us.  I am just anxious to see if we are actually brave enough and/or dumb enough to follow our dreams to our best lives.

A funny thing happened March 25, 2008

I was all set to write my blog yesterday when all of a sudden:

A delivery man showed up at my front door with a giant package, claiming it was to be delivered C.O.D.   As I tried to explain to him that I do not remember ordering anything from “Chandelier Swingers, Inc.”, and that I was not going to write a check for $1798.69 without knowing the express contents of the package, the neighborhood cat* chased a squirrel* through my open front door.  I ran back into the house just as the squirrel jumped up on my piano.  After a quick duet of “Heart and Soul” the two rascals continued into the kitchen area, the squirrel taking the high road (on top of the cabinets) while the cat stopped on my counter and began licking my leftover Easter cheesecake. 

By now, the delivery man had let himself in (my screams his invitation).  I, now armed with a broom to chase the squirrel out,  lunged to scare the cat off the counter (and hopefully out of the house) and slipped on the kitchen rug.  On my way to the floor, my broom hit the candle I had burning on the stove.  Flat on my back and now holding a 5 foot torch, I yelled for the delivery man to grab the broom.  As I struggled to my feet, the delivery man threw the fiery broom like a javelin back out through the front door.  I grabbed the cat (who was still enjoying the cheesecake) from the counter and ran for the front door, only to see a gigantic flaming box on my front porch.  By then the firetrucks began arriving.  Once the cardboard bonfire was subdued and thrown into the front yard, the firemen entered the house, their hoses in tow.  As the squirrel ran down the hose and back out the front door, I swear he winked at me and laughed. 

With the intruders gone and the fire out, the delivery man continued insisting on payment for the charred remains of the mystery box.  With the police there to intervene, we discovered that he had delivered the box to the wrong address.  The “swingers” lived next door. 

Ok….none of that actually happened.  I just didn’t have a good excuse for not writing my blog yesterday……(I’m feeling a bit constipated creatively these days and am struggling to come up with material worthy of print).  So I made something up.  Don’t be mad.  *No animals were actually harmed in the making of this blog.   

Blown Away March 21, 2008

It sure is windy out there.  The wind has been whipping for days now.  It wakes me up at night and leaves me lying in bed just a bit more rattled than necessary.  A nice, warm breeze on a summer’s day is great, but this is the kind of fierce blowing that makes you pull the covers up over your head just in case.  

Is this the “weather” of transformation?  It’s interesting that all this wind is blowing just as spring (new beginnings) arrives.  I know that I am not the only one who is dealing with the winds of change, so to speak.  Several of my close friends are also fighting through the gales as well.  It seems that as I try to move forward with my new ideas or projects (or careers) I am being smacked in the face and pushed back with all of my doubts and worries.  Trying to not be blown away by my fears, I have to keep reminding myself that there has been no hurricane or tornado warning…..it’s just wind.  It may not be pleasant and may leave us all feeling a little discombobulated, but we can get through it unharmed.   I suppose now is not the time to worry about how our hair looks….let’s just close our eyes and lean headstrong into our futures.

Or…………..I suppose we could always open our wings?……

How’s your day going so far? March 20, 2008

It was a hectic morning.  I was scurrying through my house in search of the missing tax documents.  I had turned over most of the necessary information to my nice new tax person, and had promised the remaining items by this afternoon.  I was in need of some mortgage specifics and some missing utility bills.  The house looked like there had been an explosion at the paper factory, and I was getting nowhere fast.  Rather than get lost in the shuffle (literally) I decided to call my mortgage company and the utility company in question. 

Much to my surprise, I got right through on the first of my calls and was tended to by a very friendly individual. (He reminded me of George from my “I’m in Love with George” post a few months ago.)  Antonio, while looking up my records, simply asked, “So how’s your day going so far?“  My typical answer to that is “Better than nothing” (don’t ask me…even as I write it, I see the stupidity in that answer…), but for some reason-maybe due to Antonio’s pleasant disposition, I countered with “My day is going great!  How’s yours going?”  Antonio laughed and said, “It’s still early and my day is already fantastic…and I’m expecting it to get even better!”  I quickly was given the answers to all my questions, thanked Antonio and moved on to the gas company.

My phone call with the gas company was very similar.  Jeanette was a lovely, cheerful person who seemed happy to help me.  I made sure to let her know how much I appreciated her help, she thanked me for the acknowledgement-one she doesn’t get very often she said.  I easily got what I needed and moved on with my day.

Call me crazy, but I swear saying out loud that my day was going great changed the course of events for me.  Everything seemed to go right or in my favor.  I got a rebate on lawn services from last year I didn’t expect and found an earring I’ve been looking for.  My son actually smiled in my direction and I got another handwritten card in the mail.

Coincidence?  Maybe….but have you ever started a day by saying “I’m having the worst day of my life…”?  I don’t recommend it.

The Next Town Over March 19, 2008

I feel like I hitched a ride to the nearest town and was just dropped off on the side of the road at midnight.  I finished the “big presentation” (yea for me!)  so here I am, a little further down the road, and lost again.  A stranger in a strange land.  I really am not sure where to go from here.  I am in unfamiliar surroundings in the dark.  What I want to do is find the nearest Dunkin Donuts and wait until the proverbial sun comes up.  But I have to do something.

What comes next would be to actually get out there in the world and start to sell myself as a motivational speaker. Does anyone else see the irony in this? It’s funny.  The field/career I am pursuing absolutely requires that I be able to promote myself and tell people all the reasons why they should hire me.  I am basically the product I am selling.  This is going to be a real stretch for me.  I am very comfortable telling someone exactly what is wrong with me, so that they don’t (heaven forbid) have an unrealistic expectation that I can’t meet.  But telling them why they should spend money to pay for my thoughts and ideas?  Guess I’d better load up on the ACTAZIF.

First order of business is to create a simple website.  People do it every day, right?  I’ve owned the URL www.michellegotay.com  for quite some time now, but so far there is nothing there. 

I’ll need to at least include a simple bio: 

Michelle Gotay, born and raised in the state of Denial, is an expert in living beneath her potential and flailing her way through life.  With a masters degree in Audiology and PhD (Perpetually hidden Deep) in Hysteria, Michelle is here to tell the world how to Kick and Scream their Way to a Better Life. 

I’ll need a programs page listing all of my available presentation titles:

                                How to Succeed in Business Without Always Crying

                               One Step Forward, Three Steps Back

                               Moving Forward in Lead Boots

                               How to Stand Out When You Just Want to Fit In

                               Is Good Enough Good Enough?

                               Does This Procrastination Make my Butt Look Fat?

And lastly, I’ll need a page to list all of my previous clients.  Is there anyone out there who would like to be the first “previous client” on my list  (while my fees are still negotiable)?  You could be the one I mention on Oprah….the one that gave me my big break.

                              

Always, always use a Condiment… March 18, 2008

I ventured to the back of my refrigerator today. With my son complaining that there was “nothing good to eat in the house”, I decided to survey the situation for myself and was shocked, ashamed and really surprised at what I found. 

First of all, let me just say that he was right.  There really wasn’t anything to eat in the refrigerator.  What my refrigerator did hold, however, was every condiment known to man.  I counted 37 different jars of condiments.  Granted, there were 4 opened jars of salsa, and 4 opened jars of cocktail sauce but I did not count the 9 bottles of salad dressing (is that a condiment?).   I did have Morton’s Steak Sauce, A-1, wasabi mayonnaise, Major Grey’s chutney, 4 different kinds of mustard, 3 different hot sauces, relish and of course, kethcup.  I had soy sauce, tamarind sauce (what is that?) and olive spread.  Most bottles had only a teaspoon removed from the top, some were not even opened….purchased, I’m sure in anticipation of a dinner party dish I intended to but never ended up making.  And since I haven’t had a dinner party in a really long time, some of these bottles were pretty old.  Looking at the cost and calculating the waste left a bad taste in my mouth (similar to the kalamata olive spread). 

Why hasn’t anyone come up with the idea of a “condiment counter” at the grocery store?  Like a deli, you would be able to order whatever amount of said condiment you required.  I’ll grow old before I ever use an entire tube of wasabi paste.  I’ll still buy ketchup and mustard, but I refuse to buy another whole bottle of watermelon barbeque sauce. 

Lucky Charms March 17, 2008

It’s St. Patrick’s Day and this (wee part) Irish girl isn’t thinking of corned beef and green beer, but of Lucky Charms, the “magically delicious” cereal of her youth.  A favorite at our breakfast table, my brothers were quick to dig for and claim the prize upon opening, leaving the box with an irreparable bulge in the middle causing the top to never quite close securely (why does everything I write about remind me of how my pants fit these days?).

This popular cereal has been around basically since I was born and has stood the test of time.  But let’s be honest….no one bought Lucky Charms for the “frosted oats” (what frosting? )  They were nothing more than dry nuggets hiding the goodies, that’s how I saw it.  (Here comes the part where you get a good laugh watching Michelle try to make something meaningful out of breakfast cereal…..)  It was the marshmallows (or “marbits” as General Mills called them) that we wanted.  Sweet little surprises hidden amidst the tasteless fill.  According to my research (you didn’t know I was so scientific, did you?) the cereal box consisted of 75% dry, boring oats and 25% sweet treats. 

Isn’t that how life is sometimes?  You  pour some life in a bowl and 75% of it seems dry and tasteless.  That’s what makes the “marshmallows” so sweet…..and so sought after.  I would dig and dig  in the box (when my mom wasn’t looking of course) trying to pick out the pink hearts, green clovers, blue diamonds and yellow moons.  That’s all I really wanted.  I suppose if all I had was a bowlful of treats, perhaps I wouldn’t appreciate the sweetness as much and only end up with a stomach ache.  I guess it’s the contrast….. the dry, boring oats that made the marbits so special.

So when life seems a little tasteless and boring,  we need to dig up and savour the sweetness of the pink hearts, blue diamonds, yellow stars and green clovers.  “The Chase Never Stops!”