The Cheese House August 20, 2008

 

I’m headed for the “cheese house” tomorrow.  That’s the name my two young nieces have given their new vacation home.  I am assuming that it must be some chalet-type structure that looks like a piece of cheese, though I never did ask.  Maybe it just smells funny.

 

The point of telling you all this is that I may actually have a legitimate reason for not blogging in the coming days.  I have been informed that there is no Internet service in this mountain abode.  I am already starting to get a little shaky at the thought.  What if I get an email that I don’t know about for 6 more days?  It could be something really important, like 15% off at Barnes and Noble……

 

I don’t feel so well.   Dear Lord, I never did ask about cell phone service or cable!  What have I just agreed to???!  My brother (the homeowner) assures me that the views will take my breath away.  Big deal….the stairs up to my bedroom take my breath away.  “There’s hiking and swimming….” he excitedly reported. (Sadly, he hasn’t gotten the memo yet….)  I’m kidding (mostly).  I am sure it will be beautiful.  And there is a discount for relatives in the month of August!  Free room and board!  Can’t beat that!

 

So, in the event you don’t hear from me much in the next week, I’ll be at the cheese house. 

Having nightmares about mice probably.

Looking for Mr. Ghosn August 18, 2008

Out in Left Field August 18, 2008

 

It was a beautiful Saturday and I was enjoying the company of friends at a picnic, when one of the guests showed up carrying 2 small children in his arms. One clung to his neck screaming, while the other threw himself backwards in an attempt to catapult his way to freedom.  Naturally, several of us motherly types, in an empathetic flurry, rushed to try to assist the desperate father, nearing his wit’s end. 

 

I grabbed a nearby Whiffle ball and bat and tried to coax the older of the two into a “game”.  My invitation was inaudible as he screamed only louder.  I ran into the field and proceeded to mime a solitary game of baseball, hoping to distract the little bugger.  He ignored me completely.

 

Several of the other guests, took pity on me and ran onto the field offering to indulge me.  (People…I don’t really want  to play…..I was just trying to get the kid to shut up!)  At any rate, the game had begun.  I should remind you at this point that I am 46 years old, 70 pounds overweight, and the only consistent exercise I have had in the last 2 years was getting up from my couch. 

 

I pitched, I hit (fairly impressively, I might add) and then was relegated to the outfield.  Good, I thought, I can rest now.  “THWAK!” (that is the sound a whiffle ball bat makes isn’t it?)  The ball was on the fly.  My chance to make a star play was upon me.  My eyesight not what it used to be, I ran forward, then backwards, then sideways to position myself beneath the ball.  Naturally, it hit the ground several feet in front of me and rolled down a hill.  In an attempt to distract the group from my pathetic lack of athleticism, I decided that to “make ‘em laugh” was my only hope.  As I ran down the hill to retrieve the runaway ball, I comically flailed my arms, as if to say, “Whhhooooooooaaaaaa, loooookkkkk ooooouuutttt……IIIIII’m out of controooooooooooolllll……”  This might actually have been funny if it weren’t for the fact that in a split second, I was  out of control.  I was picking up speed as I headed for the tree line below.  I had to think quickly or look like a Wiley Coyote hole in the large tree ahead.  I decided that to Duck, Tuck, and Roll, was my only hope.  However what I did instead was more of a Ram, Jam and Thud.  My triple-double chin prevented me from ducking my head, thereby ramming it into the earth as if I was planting a flag on the moon.  I no longer have a neck as it was jammed into my chest cavity upon impact.  The “thud”?  Well, that came as gravity kicked in after what seemed like an eternal headstand. 

 

After we surgically removed my sunglasses from my forehead and my teeth settled back into their original sockets, little Mr. Whiny-Pants shows up wanting to play.

 

“Sure kid…..we need someone in left field.     Knock yourself out….”

Sip Slowly August 13, 2008

 

Today I eat again (sort of).  I continued my detox cleanse 6 extra days and begin my re-entry into the real food world today.  The cleanse recommends that the first day post-cleanse one only consume organic orange juice (somehow this eases the digestive system back into it’s old routine…I guess.)   I must tell you that nothing ever tasted so delicious! 

 

The cleanse claims that one will lose their old cravings….that the less healthy choices I used to make would no longer be appealing.  Well, guess what?  Not true.  I could swim in a pool of fettuccine alfredo right now and cupcakes (thanks for the idea, Bryan and Carly!)  sound like the perfect breakfast food.  Needless to say, I’m a little worried about my ability to resist my old ways.  I’m trying to approach the whole matter from the perspective of my food allergies rather than my fat butt.  I’m going to try to remember how miserable I felt ingesting the allergens, which by the way, include every single thing I love to eat:  Wheat, Sugar, Dairy, Eggs, Bananas, Yeast (that means wine, and any alcohol!) among other things.  WHAT DOES THAT LEAVE ME???

OK, I’m not going to panic.  I didn’t think I would make it through 10 days on the cleanse, let alone 16.  So maybe it IS  possible to do this next part.  I’m gonna focus on what I did right, not what I might do wrong. 

 

(sigh)  Pass the OJ please.

Whiplash August 11, 2008

 

You know how you’re just sitting at a red light, minding your own business, singing along to the radio when all of a sudden-WHAM!- you’re doing the head-snap, whiplash dance?  I do.  I was rear-ended for the 3rd time in 3 years today.  Same car, same damage done.  That can’t be coincidence.   I’m beginning to think that The Universe is trying to tell me something? 

If it happened once, I would chalk it up to an unfortunate accident.  Two times….bad luck.  But three times….come on…..there’s got to be a message here.  Perhaps it’s The Universe’s way of “kicking me in the arse” so to speak.  Maybe it’s about thrusting me forward when I am at a standstill. 

OK, OK….It’s true. I know I have been procrastinating about putting my resume together.  I have been at a “red light”, sitting “singing to the radio” for too long.  I guess I need to be jolted forward.  I’m going to take this as my “gentle reminder” from the Powers that Be to get moving forward. 

 

Sitting still in the same place for too long can be dangerous I guess.

Say Cheese August 7, 2008

I just saw my life flash before my eyes.  I just returned from taking my son for his high school senior pictures.  As I watched this young man posed and propped, I flipped through the album that exists in my mind.  The one documenting every look, gesture, and discovery this young man has ever made (at least in my presence).  I can see the silly grin like it was yesterday.  The funny mohawk he was born with, the first puppy in his arms…..the Pilgrim costume from 2nd grade.   Birthdays and gatherings fill the mental album, the same beautiful smile jumping from each page.

 

I realize how cliche it is to remark on time flying.  But it has caught me by surprise again.  I keep thinking I have time.  Yet, in a blink, he’ll be on his way.  (Running like hell probably, if his present attitude is any indication.)  Such is life.  But I am reminded that right now is the only time I’m guaranteed.  I don’t wish to sound morose, only to remind myself not to waste it. 

 

His retirement party will be here before I know it.

Mission Accomplished August 6, 2008

 

Wow.  Wow, Wow, Wow…  I am pretty impressed with myself.  As of this writing, I have officially completed my 10-day Master Cleanse!  I personally can’t believe I did it and, what’s more, I can’t believe I am inclined to keep going with it.  (Technically, it can be done for up to 40 days, though not often recommeded for a first-timer.) 

 

I am significantly lighter (pound-wise), though, surprisingly, that was never the point…..merely a wonderful side effect.  My skin is still a mess.  With skin being our largest elimination organ, I guess mine is still working overtime at getting rid of what is no longer welcome in my system.  BUT…I feel REALLY GREAT in my body.  I actually have more energy than ever before.  No body aches, no asthma, no runny nose and no digestive upset.  I sleep like a rock and dream in technicolor.  I even think I emotionally detoxed a bit today as well.  All day, things from my past (unhealthy and stuck things) kept bubbling up to the surface, culminating in a 2 hour sobbing jag.  After such a release, I can only hope that those things are out of my system once and for all.

 

I am nervous about coming off the cleanse.  I may stick it out for a few more days, though upcoming social obligations and complete and utter boredom with my “drink of the week” will not allow for much more.  I feel a bit like what I imagine it is like to leave prison or rehab after a long stay.  I don’t trust myself on the “outside”.  It’s much easier to stay in control when your in a structured environment.  I have been a bit reclusive these past days in order to get through this cleanse successfully.  Re-entering the world will be another story.  I do have hope though.  I feel different in a way.  Mainly because I learned that I can do the hard thing when I decide to do it.  I can do it when others doubt me, and in spite of doubting myself. 

 

“Who says the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon?” -Anon.

Makes me wonder how I might amaze myself next.

Ya Don’t Ask, Ya Don’t Get… August 5, 2008

I went out today to buy a birthday gift for my son.  It was a fairly expensive gift and I had a certain maximum dollar amount I was willing to spend.  (I’m not going to disclose what the gift is, as I like to think that one day this teenager of mine while give a flying hoot about what is mother is writing and will check out my blog….I’m delusional., of course,…but just in case….)

 

The salesman showed me my options (initially unaware of my $ limit).  Naturally the one I liked the most, was the most expensive, and it’s present sale price was $20.00 over my limit.  I explained that the price was beyond my budget.  The salesman nodded sympathetically and stated, “that’s too bad…sometimes they have specials, but rest assured that this is worth every penny at this price….”

 

Without warning, the spirit of my grandmother, Gigi, stepped into my body, and before I knew what was happening, I blurted, “I think you should have a $20.00 off special today!  Why not?”  (If you knew me at all, you would know that there would have to be an invasion of the Body Snatchers for me to suggest such a thing. I normally wouldn’t ask you to move your car if it was parked on my foot.)  “Let me take a look to see if there was a better price last week.  If so, I could give it to you at last week’s price”, offered the salesman.    Off he went, while I looked around to see who was throwing their voice to sound just like me. 

 

He returned moments later only to tell me that it had not been on sale last week…..(damn……), but that at some point in the past it had sold for $50.00 less.  “Would that be OK with you?”, he asked.

 

 

 

Thank you, Gigi.  Drop in anytime.

When it Says “Libby’s, Libby’s, Libby’s on the Label….. August 5, 2008

Nine days with no solid food has been nine days of food obsession.  Though I am shocked and bewildered at the fact that I have NOT been physically hungry, I have been psychologically starving.  Food has been my crutch…when I wasn’t eating, I was planning to eat or thinking about eating.  So in the last 9 nine days of abstinence, I’ve read Gourmet magazines from as far back as 2001, been on Epicurious.com for hours and watched the Food Network with attention as if I was about to be given the winning  PowerBall numbers.  I’ve even become obsessed with reading food labels. 

Since I am in the process (one day to go!) of detoxing from the unhealthy things I’ve been putting in my body, I actually started to wonder what they might be.  This is quite a shift, as normally I thought nothing of what I ingested.  If a hotdog rolled off the grill and onto the ground, my only concern was getting it in my mouth before the neighbor’s dog did. I was (actually, pretended to be) in denial about what I consumed.  My heartburn, asthma, lethargy and jeans all tried to warn me, but I distracted myself with food.  I was, however, truly unaware of all the hidden “extras” in the foods that we eat.  I thought a can of diced tomatoes in natural juices had only diced tomatoes with natural juices in the can.  Not necessarily so.  You must look very closely to see what is actually inside. 

I suppose the same could be true of reading the labels we put on people too.  Labels like :”She’”s so together“,  “He’s so arrogant“, or “She’s a bigmouth”  may tell us about an obvious ingredient of that person’s character.  But we should be careful not to assume that’s all that’s in there.  You must look closely to see what’s really inside.

Taking Out The Trash August 3, 2008

Today is Day 7 of my detox cleanse.  Day 7 of no solid food.  Day 7 of salt water flushes and lemon juice with cayenne pepper.  Day 7 of coping with the world without my food and drink crutches. 

A week ago today I decided to give my body a time out from the endless abuse it has taken at my hand (or should I say mouth?).  You may have heard of the Master Cleanse…originally it was developed as a detoxification program some 50+ years ago.  It has also been known as a fad diet (Beyonce Knowles the lastest to publicize her use of it to lose weight for her role in Dreamgirls).

For the first time ever, it was not about losing weight (the opponents of this program are quick to point out that any weight lost in the process will be quickly regained…duh).  It was about not feeling so poisonous inside.  It was about letting go and changing my perspective about food.  I haven’ t mentioned it until now because, quite frankly, I had no faith that I would get this far.  But miracles never cease, and here I am with the finish line coming into view!

It has been quite an experience thus far.  Initially, I dreamed of large meals full of carbohydrates, and all-you-can-eat-buffets.  I swear I would wake up smelling cheeseburgers and fettuccine alfredo (maybe I was smelling it as it released from my own pores……ick).  It has done a number on my social life, (as most social functions revolve around food), leaving me and my raw feelings to myself.  I am sure this is part of the spiritual cleanse.  (My 10 days in the desert so to speak…or is that dessert?)

I’m trying to take better care of myself.  Actually, first I’m trying to remember that I am worth  taking care of.  Been here before……don’t make any promises….but like they say… Success isn’t about never  falling down, it’s about getting up every time you do.

Take care of yourselves.