It was early Monday morning. I was on my way home from taking my son back to his college after a long weekend visit when I saw it up ahead. The spot check. State police and their cars blocking the road. At first I thought perhaps there was madman on the loose and they were going to check my trunk to see if I was harboring a fugitive. (Though I would like to have a relationship someday, I am not yet at the point of stuffing a man in my trunk to have one.) I became immediately concerned about the possibility of them actually looking in my trunk, knowing the embarrassment I would feel as they rummaged through (among other things) a bright pink bedpan, a fairy wand, and a No Parking sign.
The first trooper flagged me over to the side of the road. I rolled down my window and said (as innocently as I could at that hour) “Good morning, officer. What can I do for you?”
“Pull over behind that car over there.”
“Can I ask wha…….”
“PULL OVER BEHIND THAT CAR OVER THERE.”
Right. My mind begins to race. What did I do? I couldn’t have been speeding…… and I know I used my blinker. My seat belt is fastened….so what on earth…….? One quick glance in the rearview mirror and I understood. I was being pulled over for a DWU (Driving While Ugly). Good Lord! Hadn’t brushed my teeth (we woke up really late and we still had to stop for coffee!), not a spot of makeup and a stained/ripped t-shirt that I was certain no one would see.
I pulled over as instructed and waited to learn my fate. I noticed that the trooper up ahead was involved in a conversation with another driver, so I decided that I might be able to fix myself up before he got to me. I reached into my purse and grabbed the first thing I could find. Dark purple eye shadow. I was trying to be discreet. Keep my eye on my surrounding and give myself a makeover before Officer Scary got around to me. I stealthily (is that even a word?) swiped the shadow across my eyelid without looking suspicious, just as Officer Sneaky approached me from behind.
“What were you pulled over for?” he asked.
I smiled as I batted my one bright purple eye. DWI -driving while an IDIOT! I thought to myself. “I’m not sure officer.”
It turns out they spotted my missing front license plate. The good news is that I HAD actually reported it stolen/missing, though I never did pick up the police report and get the new plates.
“Don’t get nervous,” the officer reassured. “I’m not gonna give you a ticket. Just let me see your registration….”
Oh yeah. About that…..I handed Officer Scary my registration (oops-that had only just expired a month or so ago….). Apparently, he’s not allowed to take me at my word that I did renew it in time, and just never put the new paperwork in the car. “I know right where it is, sir. It’s in one of the piles on my kitchen counter.”
“I have piles on my kitchen counter too,” Officer Not-So-Scary-Anymore said with a smile and a laugh as he went back to his car to look up my record.
Then we’re perfect for each other, I thought. Quick! Where’s my lipstick?
Enjoyed hearing about your encounter. I’ve been stopped 3 times in the last few months and never got a ticket on any of them. Most recently I was doing 52 in a 45 zone. I’m beyond polite now and will be annoyed next time.
Did you get his number?